Episode 67: Heading into 2021 with Lessons From 2020

Welcome to Episode 67: Heading into 2021 with Lessons From 2020

Jen Obermeier and Melissa Klug talk about the serious--and not so serious--things they learned in 2020 we will take with us as lessons into 2021. Whether it's Jen never going to the grocery store again (curbside pickup--never go away!) or Melissa finding the courage to leap and start an online course--the lessons from 2020 are here and making us better entrepreneurs going into 2021. (PS--Jen not going to the grocery frees her up to work on entrepreneurial pursuits! Winning all around!)

If you are considering starting or growing a professional organizing business, we have a brand new for 2021, totally free workshop you can take that goes beyond this podcast--you can register here if you want to check it out!

Links for listeners:

The Pro Organizer's Profit Plan Workshop

The 4-Part Plan for Landing your Dream Clients in 2021

Inspired Organizer® information

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FULL TRANSCRIPT:

You're listening to the Pro Organizer Studio podcast with Melissa Klug and Jen Obermeier. Thank you so much for joining in our mission is to broaden the horizons of savvy business women in the organizing industry by instilling confidence and inspiring authenticity. You'll gain new insight into strategies designed specifically for professional organizers.

So now let's get started.

Melissa Klug: Today we are here on the Pro Organizer Studio podcast. I am Melissa Klug and we have with us, our fearless leader, Jen Obermeier. 

Jen Obermeier: Oh, I'm doing great. I hope everybody else is too. I know. It's the end of the year. Can you believe it?

We have made it. Yeah, no, I can't believe it. I can't believe it. 

Melissa: There were months that I thought this time would never come. And now we are here. 

Jen: I know it's kind of surreal actually. 

Melissa: Yes, it really is, but we wanted to get together and just talk about kind of an entity or wrap up because I was talking to someone the other day and they said, you know, doesn't March seemed like it was nine years ago.

And we were talking about things that happen during the year. Like Tiger King or any number of other things that we’re like, that seems so long ago, but we wanted to do a little bit of a 2020 wrap up because even in a very challenging year, I think we've all learned some things. 

Jen: Oh gosh. Yes. 

Melissa: We’ve learned some things about ourselves and about our businesses and about our houses. And we want to do a little bit of wrap-up and then. I think very importantly, a look forward because things are going to be better. 

Jen: That sounds really, really good. 

Melissa: Well, you and I talked a few weeks ago on the podcast, but we talked about whether it was a good time to start a business and our resounding response to that was yes, even in these challenging times, it’s a good time to start a business.

So how are you feeling about, you know, what you learned in 2020 about yourself as a, as an entrepreneur and as a business owner? 

Jen: Um, gosh, I don't even know where to start. learned a lot. I learned a lot. I learned a lot in the first, you know, interestingly enough, it's like, I've been saying this for a long time, but now it's like, I feel it even more so.

You like being a professional organizer is a, obviously a highly service-oriented business. And before you can be of service to someone else, you've actually got to have like a cup to pour from, right? And I think that, like one of my many takeaways of this year is, is that if, if your own personal environment feels chaotic and disorganized, You know, and this is individual to you is not because someone's going to come and take pictures of your house.

But if, if you don't feel, sort of centered and settled, then you're bringing just more of that chaotic sort of frenzied energy into somebody else's home. And even though you might be saying the right things and organizing like crazy, it's like, It's like, we're what we're really after is that sense of calm and peace and ease.

What I have seen this year is that it's so important to like prepare that internal environment first before anything else during the day. And what I've recognized is that I have not been doing that very well because I'm, I'm focused on helping more people and making more podcasts and, you know, trying to get, trying to get out there and.

And be that awesome business owner. And it's like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. You know, what, what, what good can I be if I am not feeling at ease about my own surroundings, my own home. And so I've just spent a lot of time. Like everybody, you know, has been at home a lot. I've been like actually looking around and saying, how can I create a better environment for myself first, so that when I'm showing up as a business owner or as a mom or as a wife, that I am actually coming from like, okay, a calm place and not this one of like constant anxiety. And that's a lot to ask in a year like this, but it just has shown all of us, like how much more important all of that is.

Melissa: We have to show up for ourselves before we're ready to show up for other people and stifling our own inner feelings. You're a client is going to be able to see that and feel that anxious energy. 

Jen: Yeah. But going back to your original question though. The, is it, is this an okay time to start a business?

Well, think about it this way. Is this an okay time to be of service to others to have an offer that is providing value to others? Uh, yes, it always is. It always is. Now there's some unique challenges with being around other people this year. Um, but looking forward, I hope that that's going to continue to get better and better, or we're going to feel more confident about, about our ability to do that.

But it's like, do people still do people still need other people? Uh, yeah. Like, yes. 

Melissa: More so right now than any other time. And you're exactly right as we are providing, yes, we have businesses and yes, we are, you know, getting income for our services, but we are providing, and you made this point on our podcast a couple of weeks ago.

Sincerely a mental health service to people. But really being able to help people calm down the anxious brain during this time, which we all have. That is a major service we can provide. 

Jen: Yeah, no, no kidding. I mean, I know nobody needs to relive all of the, things that we've gone through this year, but it's like, when you just think about all of it compacted together, and people being in close quarters with each other and, uh, having your brain, like you said, scattered in a million places because your kids are at home doing virtual school and it's just like, Uh, yeah, we all need a large, large, extra dose of help.

And as long as, I mean, like you said, it's a value exchange, like, just because it's a business does not mean that it is not truly something that is like impacting somebody's life, for the better. And like you said, there's a million more reasons right now, why having, having routines and a sense of calmness at home is vitally important.

Um, yeah. Mental health, which affects physical health, which just affects everything. So it's like, wow. Now we're really seeing how all this really mattered all along. 

Melissa: Well, I also think that we have seen, I have seen it in my own business and I will tell you that, um, in the first parts of, you know, March and April, when things were still so uncertain and you know, you just, you really didn't know what was going on.

If I heard the word pivot one more time, like I said, I will not hear the word pivot anymore. I don't want to talk about it, but I do think that we have had so many people, you and I have both been in that situation this year, where we have said, okay, I do need to look at my business and figure out alternate ways that I can do things.

And I think that that has been a huge learning point for me this year and finding out that, Oh, I changed things and I actually really enjoyed it. And we have seen that in a lot of our organizers in our inspired organizer group, that people who said, Oh, I'm never going to do virtual organizing have determined that, Hey, it's actually a great way to be able to continue to help people in this time.

So do you have any thoughts about that? The P word that I don't like very much. 

Jen: It’s so funny. Um, Yes a word. Okay. Here's another word that comes, comes to mind. I think that the initial lockdown, especially, brought out a lot of, um, habits or behaviors or certain routines and in my own life, like not just in business, but kind of like, okay, I worked from home, I've got, you know, kids and family and things to deal with.

It's like, Oh, well, if we're going to be here, All of the time, and this is how it is all of the time. Here are some things that I could immediately, see were unsustainable. Like this is not sustainable in a time of, of crisis or, you know, uncertain certainty or, ambiguity like that. That's I think that's a hard thing for, a lot of people to handle as not knowing which path is going to end up working, but having to kind of move forward anyway, like that's, that's very challenging for me. So, so when I was looking at the things that were unsustainable, then I wouldn't say it was the word pivot came to mind, but. Like you said alternative ways of doing things that you could continue to provide value for your audience you know, without totally giving up on a path that you've been on forever and in that's, whether you're an organizer or whether you're any other kind of, content creator out there, it's like, these people still need you it's still want to hear from you. And so, I've been very proud of the organizers who said, Oh, the need for organizing and, and, moving in, downsizing and all the things that people need for professional organizers for it's not going away in the long-term like that.

They were able to kind of look at it as like, this is a marathon, not a sprint. What can I keep doing right now to continue providing that value staying top of mind, maybe making new connections, like, I understand. I understand. Totally like not wanting to pivot where you're like, wait a minute, I started this business, it's going really well. I don't want to start doing something else.

But yeah, I mean, like, there were certainly times this year where I know a lot of people kind of had to, to figure out, like what are some alternative ways of making money? And they did open their eyes a little bit to some new things that they never would have considered before.

And I hope, that even if that wasn't exactly what they would have wanted, that it at least expanded their, mindset about what was possible for them and that they could truly provide value for people. For example, on virtual calls. That wasn't all about them physically being there. It was about them really supporting and coaching the client through the process.

So, yeah. I didn't know. So maybe, maybe it's some, some of us will look back and say, well, I'm glad I got pushed out of my comfort zone because now everything seems easy compared to that. Yeah. 

Melissa: That’s a really good point. Well, and I do think that there's a value in pushing yourself past your comfort zone, but then also being able to say, I have tried this and I have confirmed it is not for me because the other kind of the flip side of being forced to pivot or to being forced to look at other options is also, I think that there were some people that felt like, well, if I don't do X, Y, Z, you know, getting into that comparisonitis of like, well, these people are launching virtual organizing and I have tried that and I don't think it's for me—not persisting in something that you're not good at, or you don't enjoy or knowing what your business is and what it is not, I think is also super important.

Jen: I totally agree. And I'll be honest with you. I did a little bit of that myself this year where I was like, Oh, okay, well, I can experiment with, you know, sharing other types of content or maybe doing other types of things. Like, you know, my, my brain started hopping in different places. And then, you know, I would kind of try something for a little while.

And I was like, well, I'm not 100% aligned with this. Like, it's not what I would want to do all day every day. 

Melissa: But knowing that you can try something and really give it a legitimate try, but then also give yourself that permission to say, this is not perhaps the direction I want to go in. And that's okay, too. 

Jen: Yeah. And so let me ask you a question. Sure. Now you, you, uh, you did stretch yourself out of your comfort zone in several different ways that I'm aware of.

And now I know you may not have, um, shared too much about this yet on the podcast, but, um, you came up with the idea for an online course this year. 

Melissa: I did. 

Jen: And is that, is that something you wanna talk about? 

Melissa: Yeah, absolutely. Um, I'm an open book, 

Jen: so could ask another question on top of that. Did, did that feel like a huge pivot for you or did it feel sort of like a natural extension of what you were already doing?

Melissa: No, it definitely felt like a big change for me because I had, I had really always thought I'm very much a, I enjoy the one-on-one organizing. With a client. I really enjoy going into their house. I enjoy, uh, I call it being a sherpa. Like I really enjoy being able to help them do the physical work of organizing, which for some people is very challenging.

In fact, I realized like midway through April, like as I was sitting on the couch eating chips, I was like, wow, why am I, why am I not feeling so great? And I was like, Oh, because I used to like work out every single day doing my job and I'm not doing that anymore, but I really enjoyed that one-on-one time with clients.

And so in kind of the funk, um, I just called the Melissa funk of March and April. I was like, how do I replicate that? And I don't think I can replicate that online. And that was just some negative thinking I needed to get out of my own head. But when I decided that I was going to go forth and like do this online course, I was not pessimistic about it, but I thought, Oh, I don't know that I can replicate that feeling, but I'll just, I'll give it a try. And what I discovered is one I can help way more people so I can legitimately help so many more people in my service and people that are not in my local area. People that are in some cases, it not even in this country.

And I also can create via zoom and via a Facebook community that sense of, collaboration and feeling like I am a part of their journey. I think that's part of my own personal satisfaction is I love seeing someone make that transformation. Yeah. And I felt like if it was online, it wouldn't be the same.

And I determined that it actually was. And so I love the idea of being able to have a course that is scalable and I can get it to hundreds of people versus dozens of people, and really feel like I'm helping people in lots of places. So, yes, that, but that was a big stretch for me. 

Jen: Oh for out of you, so proud of you, 

Melissa: it was, it was a stretch and I really, but here's the great thing. I didn't think I was going to like it. I tried it. I discovered I actually loved it. And so that opened me up to doing a lot more one-on-one virtual sessions with people that opened me up to a lot of things again, where I said, Oh, I actually can get fulfillment out of this. And that was big for my brain to kind of open up and say, okay, I'm glad you had your funk time.

And now it's time to settle into what's new and different and good. 

Jen: That’s so awesome.

Melissa: And the other thing that I love is I have seen lots of other people embrace a different way of doing things. So whether it's an online course or I know people that did Facebook communities where everybody, you know, did an organizing task for that week, or, um, you know, just any of these communities that have popped up to, to try to get people interested in organizing, I think has been awesome.

One of the things that I have been thinking about a lot is, you know, people keep talking about when we quote go back to normal.

But is there anything that you have thought of that you actually don't want to go back to normal? Because I've got some stuff. 

Jen: Ooh. Okay. I've got a big one. Okay. I'm ready. I want everything delivered to me forever. I don't want to go into a store again, unless I absolutely have to, you know, why. Because going and walking through a grocery store or even walking through target is so overstimulating and overwhelming, like to squeeze in all those errands and w you know, whenever you can do them, and it's just, like, there has been something so nice about.

Paying paying a small fee for something that greatly reduces the time that I spend out shopping, being in the hustle and bustle, like being, you know, bombarded with, you know, messages and things that are like just stuff around. And so it's just like, that has almost been like, feeling like a feeling of like going into like shopping.

Like I, even though I'm still shopping and buying things, it's like the minimalism of doing it in the comfort of my home, on my terms. Yep. And, and having somebody else, like, you know, haul all that stuff back to my front step. I love it. Yeah. Well, and I think it's made it. 

Melissa: Yeah. I think the bigger picture of that maybe is that you are using your time for the things that it's very valuable for you to be using your time for whether that's spending time with your kids or whether it is working on something that you want to work on, or even just relaxing that you have realized that you want your time to be very precious.

And for the things that matter. 

Jen: What about, you?

Melissa: well, I've thought about a lot of things and I, I definitely think, I don't want to go back to just saying yes to everything all the time, because I feel like I have to, I had this conversation with one of my, um, zoom clients the other day, and she was talking about how she did not take a really important trip to her to visit her best friend, uh, in February, because she was so busy and I had a very similar situation.

I did a thing where I was like, Oh, I'll go. I'll do that in March. And then March came and I couldn't do anything. And so she was saying, I said no to this really important trip. Because I was doing a bunch of other things that I felt like I had to do. And that like, just her saying that was so impactful to me.

And so I think for me going forward, even if I'm allowed to do things, I don't want to necessarily just do them for the sake of doing them. Yeah. 

Jen: But saying totally makes sense. 

Melissa: So essentially saying no, in order to say yes, that makes any sense. anything else you want to cover about 2020, I'm ready to say, okay, I'm going to add one thing. Um, okay. One thing that you and I never talked about, and we were actually going to do a podcast on it and we never got a chance to was let's not forget.

In 2020, it brought us home, edit on Netflix. Oh, organizing was in the news in 2020. 

Jen: Absolutely. 

So the nice thing is I understand that, uh, the minimalists, I guess, is coming out with a show on Netflix for 2021. So the nice thing is like in every year we've got a new organizing show to kind of keep people in the news, which is kind of fun.

Jen: So that is, yeah, that's great. And I mean, a lot of people are huge fans of them. Um, so that'll be a whole different approach. Like. You know, versus Marie Kondo definitely versus the Home Edit. Um, yeah, that, that will be really interesting. And, you know, I just think it goes to show like, All of these shows like Hoarders and, you know, Clean House from back in the day.

I loved that one. Um, you know, like it's so addictive, like seeing other people have a transformation and it's like, it catches fire almost where you're just like, Now, how can I do that for myself? Like, and I, and I think that it's important that we keep finding, you know, people with crazy organizing philosophies, because it does, like you said, it's, it's just something that, um, spurs people to action.

And I think that that's why that's why people love them year after year. And it's not going to go out of style. 

Melissa: Yeah. And even though the Home Edit might not have been the way that I organize with people, what I appreciate about any of these things is it brings organizing into the mainstream. It makes people realize that there are people that do this as profession.

It makes people realize that they can live a different life and guess what? They might not want to be minimalist either, but they can appreciate that there are elements of that life that they would like. So. 

Jen: Or they can live vicariously through a super minimalist person for awhile and be like, wow, that would be a huge, huge lifestyle change.

Melissa: It really would. I would say, I will say, even though I am not a minimalist, I do love Joshua Becker has the best quotes. I mean, I use his quotes for organizing like more than anybody else's I just really think he's so thoughtful about what he says. And I guess we'll have to, I'm just going to have to do a podcast about minimalism.

Jen: And you could be like, Hey, here's a non minimalist who loves this minimalist philosophy. So it's like, yeah, absolutely. Okay. So moving into 2021, what do you, what do you feel like is going to be on the horizon for organizers, for organizing businesses?

What are you excited to see? 

Jen: I think that people, no matter what happens, especially in the next few months, I mean, but I think that what, from what I understand is that a lot of companies are going to. With the work from home models for like a lot of their employees or maybe even their entire company. Yeah. And so for better, for worse, there will be so many more people who this is a permanent situation that they are in a, uh, some type of, you know, even like a corner little office, or maybe they're lucky enough to have a whole office in their, in their home, home and working from home.

No joke, because there is no separation physically between your work and, your family and the dirty bathroom and the dog that needs to go out. It's like literally everything's happening at once. And then like worrying about, um, you know, your boss or your deadlines, or having another team meeting, um, on the computer without being around actual people.

It's a lot of change and that's a lot of. That's a lot of stress. And I think for, I mean, imagine I can only imagine somebody who's been in the corporate world, their entire career and is now like adjusting to that being like, Oh, it's just going to be like this because now my company sees whatever benefits to us being remote and.

You know, that's not everybody's dream situation. 

Melissa: It is not, some people are very excited and some people are very not excited. 

Jen: Exactly. And I could not believe more strongly in, in coming up with routines. And actual carving out actual spaces to have like an office where you can actually think straight and be good at your job at the same time, while you still possibly have family members, family members in the house, or other things going on around you.

I mean, that is just so hard to get. Like your attention focused all in one place. So, um, I've actually been saying for years that I think home offices are an awesome niche for organizers, but I think that will continue to be something that is very, very much needed. So I don't know that that's a new thing.

I just think it's something that's just gonna continue to be in focus. And then as long as you know, there are any types of restrictions about schooling, like having systems and routines for having kids at home and you trying to work and balance like checking in on their assignments. I mean, I'll legit tell you, Melissa, that has been….Well, I've had a lot, I've had a lot of hard things this year, but me trying to adapt with my children, even as a slightly organized person has absolutely challenged my brain to the max. Um, yeah. And when you think about people just being like literally at their limit with, with stuff that they're trying to stay on top of, um, I spoke a couple of episodes ago about me actually hiring an organizer to come to my house.

I felt great about that. And I still feel great about that. Um, because it genuinely brought me the ability to move forward on something I was stuck on and just made me feel so much better about my space. And so I just, you know, I, I really just encouraged organizers to think about. From, from their client's perspective, what are they experiencing?

What are they going through? Like they don't need more tips about how to get it done. Like, I actually feel very strongly about this. Okay. Like what you need to be talking about in your content on social media, like maybe you share a couple of tips every once in a while, but you need to be speaking to people's mindset and letting them know, like, this is what it's like on the other side of the pain that you're feeling right now and helping them shift along to the point where they finally say it's okay for me to not try to keep doing all of this myself, because it's just really fricking hard, like, you know, like letting people say that that is okay and giving them permission to ask for help and to know that it is possible to have someone come back and come in and help them either get their mojo back or kind of build some positive momentum in the first place. I mean, going back to what I said at the beginning, it's like, if you, as an organizer can keep yourself in that place of loving the process of maintaining your environment. You can pass that like in a contagious sort of way to somebody else and they need it so bad. Like they need you to do it with them, do it for them, do it alongside them, like any combination until they finally start to feel like themselves again. And that like, they are proud of what is happening in their house. And that it's not just like chaos every single day. Right? 

Melissa: Well, this could be its own separate podcast, which I think we should probably do at some point, but the whole concept of inspiration versus information. And we talk about it a little bit in our workshop, but, giving people sometimes giving people those DIY tips for as, as good of the, the thought processes and the, the heart place that it comes from, it actually could be more overwhelming. So showing them, this is what it can look like on the other side of disorganization. And here's a beautiful home office.

And, you know, doing that is I think important. And you touched on a great point. I already have several clients. Whose offices have said we're permanently closed. 

Jen: Yeah. 

Melissa: Even if, even if everybody, you know, is back to work January 3rd, we're still not going to go back to the office. We're going permanent home office.

And so I definitely think that there is a great, great ability for people to go out and really hone in on. Let me create that space for you in your house. 

Jen: And like, for at least a little while, like have somebody there in person with you helping work through that process, like. We're all lonely. We're all kind of like, Oh my gosh, I would talk to a brick wall.

Melissa: Like just like bring a human any human. 

Jen: Yeah. I mean, it's like all of the zoom calls and all of the extra face times that we've done with our friends and family this year, it's like, That's nice, but it's still not a substitute for like actual social interaction. And so it's like sometimes, sometimes people are hiring you because they need somebody to talk to in, in addition to the organizing process.

And so just realize like, it's good, like. You know, they need a friend too, and that's okay. And that's yeah. And that's still, that's still necessary. It's like people aren't just like suddenly all taking your organizing courses and getting organized on their own, like that works for certain types of people and other people are like, no, I like really, you know, I'll wait until I can have somebody come in and they'll wait to hire you.

Melissa: Well, and I absolutely believe that there are still plenty of people that have not done a single thing in their houses this year. You know, there are people who have not gotten to that other side, you know, they haven't done it on their own. And, you know, January 1st, may be the biggest new year's resolution, day in history.

Right. I think people are craving that change to 2021. And so I do think that there is a great opportunity for organizers to go out there and say, if your house isn't where you want it to be right now, I have a path out for you because I know PLENTY of people who have not done a single thing yet, but they're still frustrated with their houses.

Jen: So. Hmm. Yeah, no that's and, and it's, and it's about how it makes you, how it makes you feel. It's like this. Absolutely. It's this, like, it's this cycle of like, not feeling great, not feeling energized, and then you don't want to do anything about it. It's like, yeah, we've got gotta, we've got to work on the mindset and the environment at the same time.

And, um, and you're right. Not everybody was out. They're just like, Oh, I'll just be so productive. I'm stuck at home. 

Melissa: No guess what? It's December 28th, the day that we're taping this. And I still haven't learned how to bake bread. So there you go 

Jen: and you say that you were going to at the beginning? 

Melissa: No, I did not. I said that I was, I actually said if I come, if, if it gets to the point that I'm baking bread, you're going to know that I have cracked entirely. I'm gonna let someone else bake bread for me. 

Okay. I haven't, this is a hard question, but I do want to ask it as our last question. If you could wave a magic wand and go back and 2020, as it happened, didn't have to happen. Would you want it to be normal? Or did you appreciate some of the things that you learned this year?

Jen: Oh my God. That is so like, you know, um, you know, what's interesting, I don't mind sharing this on the podcast, but I, um, I actually, I had a couple of challenging things that I already knew about going into 2020 that I, that I knew were going to be challenging.

Um, and so as ironic that what I was like mentally preparing myself for. Ended up being like 10th on the list. So yeah, I guess it sort of gave a perspective about like, Oh, like I was like, I knew there was going to be some challenging change, um, about midway this year. And, um, and so I was, you know, I was like, Mentally mentally ready to like, you know, help be.

I wanted it to be there extra for my family and just some, just some things that were going on. And then when all was said and done, it was like, Oh, maybe if 2020 as it happened, hadn't happened. I would have really like. Over analyzing and gone crazy about that situation. And then as it was, it was just sort of like, well, this now fits into the scheme of things, which it's not really that bad.

So I'm not saying I would necessarily want to relive all that again, but I just, I do feel like I got some valuable perspective about my, my anxiety or my reaction to situations is all relative. And I do have. Some control over my thoughts that I don't necessarily always exercise, you know? Um, and, and I've learned a little bit better, like kind of, you know, it was like cognitive therapy.

Like you're just trying to like talk yourself off the ledge, waiting for somebody else to like tell you all the time. Like, it's fine. It'll be okay. It's like, I have to, I kind of had to disconnect my, my, um, identification with like, This anxious thought that it's happening is not actually me. It's like me having a thought that is causing anxiety that I do have control over.

And so I think that that above everything was like probably the most valuable lesson that I learned this year. And I think that I do believe that that will serve me for a really long time. Um, I'm not sure that I want to go back. 

Melissa: I don't feel like we have to re-experience it, but I just, I was thinking about this the other day, and I obviously, I know people who've been through very hard things this year, and I do not wish that on anyone, but when I look at my own situation, I do think there are things that I learned this year and ways I grew this year that I never would have, otherwise. This was a very dramatic way for it to happen. But yes, I, I do believe and I, and I am, again, I am grateful to be in a position that I have, had my health and my family's health, and so I am, and I am grateful for that, but the things that I have learned business-wise and I think about myself, I definitely don't think that I am going to take for granted moving forward. 

Jen: Yeah. Yeah. And, and thinking too, like about. When you, when you recognize unsustainable habits or patterns or routines, it's like you, you're kind of forced to ask yourself, like, well, what would, what would sustainable look like?

Like what would be something that I can stay, um, consistent with and whether it's parenting or work, or like all the things. I mean, gosh, my parenting challenges this year, your word probably the hardest mean it's like, it's like recognizing like, Oh, well the way that I'm a mom, Like I, if I can't maintain that, if I can't, if I can’t maintain my, my expectations and our, our routines in bad times, then maybe they were over like overly rigid or unrealistic to begin with. Um, and, but also at the same time, like kind of letting go a little bit and knowing like my kids are going to be okay. Like they, they weren't have not been happy about the things that they've had to go through, but I've had to recognize, like, I can't, I can’t protect them from all the pain in the world either. And it's like, they are going to adapt and they are, um, creative, resourceful, and whole, um, that's kind of a tenant of like coaching, like coaching philosophy is like knowing that people do like they are adaptable and they do have the resources and the inner sort of strength.

Um, and that they're not going to just like. Fall apart, you know, and I think it was, I don't know. I think it was just especially, uh, important to learn. Like as a mom, like in this, in this particular time is like, we were all going through this together and they will be okay. And their friends will, um, you know, gosh, they'll just love hanging out together when they can do that again, they will appreciate it so much.

Melissa: Yeah. And that resilience, I think we've all gotten it to different degrees and it's been hard to watch. Kids have to go through it. I've had a hard time watching my kids have to go through it, but at the same time, I definitely think they have learned. They've learned important things this year too, but let's maybe not go through it again though.

Let's just say, we're going to move on. 

Jen: Do you usually make new year's resolutions? 

Melissa: Well, so I don't, I try to be really careful about calling them new year's resolutions because I'm so acutely aware of like, you know, new year's resolutions don't usually work. And, um, I try to say like, what are some things that I would like to do differently?

Or what are some things that I would like to see in the new year, but I try to not make them necessarily tied to. That specific day. Um, but this year I do feel like I definitely have been thinking more about this back to normal concept and what do I want to do differently? And that's for my own personal, like, you know, health and wellness, it's for my business, it's for, you know, partnerships that I want to get into this year, whether it's professionally or personally.

And, uh, yeah. So I think this year I'll probably be more on the more on the resolution train. Hm. I was really swayed, you know, a couple of weeks ago we had Carly Tizzano on the podcast and she is very big on, you know, making goals for the whole year and sticking with them and has such a great process for that.

But I really was thinking about, I'm not a very good goal person. In terms of like really sticking through and saying every Monday, what have I done? What am I doing this week and Friday, what am I going to do next week? And that, and I really have been trying to get more into that. So I think that's what I'm going to concentrate on versus specifically a new year's resolution.

Jen: I like that I'm kind of the same. I'm kind of like, I'll really want to focus on having a morning routine because I have recognized that. Even though sometimes, I mean, I'm like wake up and I'm like ready to hit the ground running. That that's not actually the best way for me to start my day. Cause I don't, I don't think that puts, that sets me up in a good way for the rest of the day.

It's like, no, I need to start slower and I need to start by, you know, working on myself and kind of putting myself in that mindset and kind of, you know, getting ready for the day. Like, not just like jumping straight into things like with this, like panic of like, Oh God, there's a million things. So many things to do today.

Yeah, exactly. So, you know, I know it seems funny like year after year, why I haven't learned this yet, but, um, this year it kind of, it, it was shown to me like your approach is not necessarily the most effective one for like, like we're saying like the mental kind of side of it and feeling like I'm calm and bringing calm calmness to a situation.

Like I strive to have that. I want to create that for myself. 

Melissa: I will say that when I think about all of those things that you're saying, and just the idea of goal setting in general, there are two books that I would highly recommend to people in the group and my favorite book of this year. And I'm a big reader, was Atomic Habits by James clear, such a great book.

And it's not very long. It's very digestible. He just gives the most amazing advice about how to develop good habits like a morning routine or things like that. But the other one that has really helped me and I have to actively fight against this instinct. And this book really helped me. It's called Deep Work by Cal Newport.

And it's so much about like, we have this culture now with phones and everything else. Like, you know, you have to be answering text messages and answering emails and answering phone calls and putting a strategy together. And it's just so much about like, you have to do very deep focused work. In order to get anything done.

And so I, that whole concept of morning routine and that type of thing, I, I love that concept and I need to be more disciplined about that too. 

Jen: we have to create environments for deep work that even happen. Like, you know, we've got to like, like I was saying, like, how do we carve out that space where we can focus.

And not be thinking any second that we're about to be interrupted. I mean, that's, it's really challenging. 

Melissa: but going into 2021 with some of these goals, you know, whether it's a new year's resolution or whether it's just like goals on how we want to work better or be better, I think is awesome. And I love it. Any final wisdom, lovely audience, final 2020 wisdom.

Jen: Um, I don't, I don't think I have any wisdom. I think, I think at the beginning of this year, I really felt like I was more of an introvert than I actually really am, like I really, I really miss people. Um, and, uh, as soon as it's possible for me to like start inviting people over to my house and to have like, you know, a family gathering, like, I am definitely not going to take that for granted.

Getting together with. Girlfriends and, um, just hanging out like, wow, that would, it's just like, I just, you know, you can just feel like how good that stuff is for the soul, you know, now that we're missing it. So, um, I just, I wish everybody a happy new year and hopefully that they are, um, in the best of health and that their families are all safe and, um, that everyone is just taking care of themselves and giving themselves to the grace that they need to get through, to get through even a new year, day by day and take a deep breath. 

Melissa: Take a deep breath is good advice and you and I not to tease anything, but you and I have been working on fun things that we have getting ready for people for 2021. So we are definitely going to be bringing some new content and some new fun into the business world of 2021. 

Jen: we have. And I'm really excited about that. And I'm glad that you have hopped on board as, as a major part of this. That was certainly one of the best decisions and changes that came about this year was, you know, really sharing this platform with you and having you, bring all of your wisdom along with it.

Melissa: Yeah. I am grateful to be here. I love this community and I appreciate you and all of your coaching and I know everybody else does too. So with that, I think we'll say goodbye, 2020. 

Jen: All right. See ya.

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